no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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