i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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