I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
