if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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