so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
