My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
