I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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