pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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