Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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