its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
