i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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