i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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