Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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