oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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