He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
