Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
God, I missed his penis.
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