btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
