I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
