I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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