fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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