1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
