Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's always time for handjobs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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