The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
