he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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