woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
