yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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