It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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