dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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