I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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