i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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