I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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