Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
