Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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