Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
