i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
