I hate all girls vehemently.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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