I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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