I'm eating all of the evidence.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
