You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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