So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
