She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
