Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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