Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
