I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
