I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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