i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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