Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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