Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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