It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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