Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
