It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
