Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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