At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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