Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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