Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
