Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
