I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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