i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
