I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
