jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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