pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize