I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
