even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
