i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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